Self-judgements | Limiting Beliefs
A profound/longest judgement on myself:
I am shy
- I defended it, and made excuses for it (might still but noticing myself do it is the first step to taking action to bring change to my behaviour
My reasons/excuses: derived from my thought of being shy
- I am shy so that is why I can not sing in front of people
- I must not like hugs because I am shy
- I am shy so I have a hard time making friends
^it turned into: "Oh, that is why I am an introvert."
I assigned myself other rules/characteristics that are/aren't related to being shy.
Reflection: I have had a lot of progress breaking away from this mentality this year, a journey in progress! I think it started when [I buzzed my hair], made my analogy of [jumping off of the cliff of discomfort] read The New Earth by Eckhart Tolle
- Not wanting to do something because "I am shy" -the courage diminishes in me, it is a useless limit I put on myself. It is only as awkward as you make it mon ami, even if the other person has some type of negative vibe about them you can infect them with your enthusiasm!
In reality:
I'm not a shy person at all once I decide to talk to someone and the more I get to know you the more I won't shut up. I will talk over you trying to get every piece of my thought out (a bad habit really because it makes me a bad listener). Because of my first impressions, I was called shy at such a young age leading me to attach "shyness" apart of my personality.
My process so far has been that whenever I meet someone new I don't like to talk to them I like to observe them first, try to sense their vibes, their body language, and just anything I can sense that lets me know what kinda person they are to some level. If their presence makes me really curious I can't help but get all giddy inside trying to think of ways to talk to them so we can be best friends.
Upon reading my reflection of this topic I hope eveyone refrains from using negative terms to define a person, like, , shy, dumb, "oh you're not good at 'blank' subject", etc. These broad terms that link up to many other terms they could soon decide to attach to their personality. Like honestly nobody needs you to tell them what they're good at and what they're not good at; they know better then anyone, and they are the hardest critiqe upon themselves. They do not need another thing to creep into their mind they think they are "bad" at. Please just show support that will make a person grow so much, even if they suck at 'blank', it's not you're business to say so, everyone sucks as a begineer. Let them jump off thier cliffs of disocomfort, stop adding spikes along their cliff hindering thier free fall, if you say "no" this js what you're doing.
The origin story of my shyness label:
My nature as a kid had been to be quiet around new people, to observe them before I decide to befriend them and become chatty gradually as I began to trust them. My oldest memory of being called shy is from when I was less than 5 years old by my mom's friend just because of my initial quietness around new people. I guess at that age when you are trying to absorb all the information around you - I learned that quietness is equal to shyness. Since then for 2 decades I identified myself as a "shy" person when I was quite the opposite with my family or a close friend.
Other self-judgements:
- that I talk funny because of my teeth
- that I am not beautiful because I do not have a thin stomach (visible abs) or the right nose keratosis pilaris I have on my arms via genetics, etc
- not being good enough -progress, not growing fast enough
- not accepting me as I am
- I am bad at sciences (chemistry, physics, biology) just because I did badly in them in high school -when this can not even be a conclusion because my mental health wasn't great then so I was doing badly in everything.
Declaration:
I forgive myself for having these judgements -> to not have judgements for having judgements
- AM I READY TO LET GO?
- think of more self-judgements!
Solutions:
It is good to bring in an affirmation that eats away at your self-judgements -talk in the mirror, talk to yourself, and love yourself!
- We are each unique beings with unique experiences which shape our actions via the information we have in our arsenals
How you should take action?
Journal like I did above, think of all the self-judgements you impose on yourself. Do you really need them in your life? Are they serving you or just limits to shatter now that you have acknowledged them as such?
Journal exercise you can try:
Reflect on the judgements you hold yourself to, your habits, what you think is apart of your personality.
Choose which of these judgements are you ready to let go of, seek some discomfort. Debunking which judgement will bring you closer to the person you want to become?
What is your heart telling you? What are some positive affirmations that will serve you?
Update post:
January 20, 2023 — RESPONSE ACTION
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